Discussion
Do you like surprises? My relationship with surprises provides the truest example of how nuanced and ever-changing me true nature really is, as I have got older. In a perfect world, I like the warmth and purpose that an agonized surprise sends — knowing that someone has considered and created something unexpected for another are both moving in ways bought gifts simply do not approach. In practice, though, the pleasure I take in surprises is far more contingent. I therefore welcome return all pleasant surprises — fascinating news, the invitation, a small but valuable attention. Than the surprises where plans are disrupted, demands on my time appear out of nowhere, or being socially coerced into performing enthusiasm I do not sincerely experience. The honest answer is that I enjoy surprises when I am the one being surprised and not the person in charge of coming up with a gift, as long as it is calibrated to me and not the surpiser.
What is the most surprising thing about you? The quality that most widely shocks those of my friends who know me primarily as a professional or academic is the depth of my engagement with cooking as a creative act. Those who meet me for the first time in more intellectual settings, mostly assume that my interests are purely cerebral and bookish — which isn’t entirely untrue — but are then genuinely amazed (bewildered) when they learn I do spend quite a lot of time with real joy messing about in the kitchen learning how to approach the cooking traditions of assorted cultures easily before becoming totally invested in food preparation, aspirations they did not expect. Cooking presents a fusion of sensory, technical and experiential elements that I find an immensely fulfilling balance to the less tangibly textured pursuits.
The greatest surprise of your life. The only real surprise was how extensively my initial longer experience of functional independence reshaped my insight into myself. By the time I left home for university I had a reasonably fixed idea of who I was, my strengths and weaknesses, what I liked, how I dealt with adversity. The reality of independently living was that many of those self-assessments were either far too rosy or disproportionately cynical for how things actually turned out. I found resilience I did not know was there; resources of self management that had not come under scrutiny before; and also vulnerabilities, dependencies, aspects of myself I had never admitted to myself. The authentic experience of meeting yourself — unscaffolded by familiarity, relationships, or family support in those moments was the most authentically surprising thing that has happened to be thus far.
Are surprises always a good thing, or can they actually backfire? As such, surprises are a value neutral phenomenon — the positive or negative character of a surprise is entirely derived by its content and context, not just simply the fact that it was unanticipated. Negative surprises (a sudden illness, unexpected financial hardship or professional difficulties, or the sudden shattering of plans that have been painstakingly worked out) can be jarring and even traumatic; the surprise factor does most to exacerbate their challenge, denying us the time in our heads a pre-planned difficulty allows for preparation from such things. Some substantial research shows that some people — those who are predisposed to anxiety — find surprise environments a worrisome environment in and of themselves meaning that the specific content of what they learn about is irrelevant to their stress level but merely the uncertain nature of returning unknown information is the negative experience itself. Having stated that, surprising negative events can have silver linings too — they often uncover the very capacities for adaptation and resilience that comfortable predictability never puts to a test, sometimes steering life in new directions that result better suited than where it began. We therefore can say that the relationship between surprise and wellbeing is complex, contextual, and deeply personal.